Jessica Simpson’s breasts have been recognized as the best in Hollywood by InTouch Weekly. Surprisingly, I wasn’t consulted but I′m going to let the ruling stand because, well, boobs. Here’s their Top 10 list for your perusal. WARNING: It’s full of WTF?:
1. Jessica Simpson
2. Tyra Banks
3. Scarlett Johansson
4. Carmen Electra
5. Lindsay Lohan
6. Katherine Heigl
7. Audrina Patridge
8. Jennifer Aniston
9. Megan Fox
10. Beyoncé Knowles
I′ll let you guys debate the inclusion of some of the ladies on this list. I mean, Jennifer Aniston? We’re talking about breasts here not permanent nipple hardage for Chrissakes. This is what happens, InTouch, when you leave me out of the vetting process. I bet you didn’t even judge the candidates in a hot tub full of Jell-O, did you? Of course not. Dammit, does no one believe in science anymore? What a sad state of affairs. I blame video games.
NOTE:Added a photo montage of Jessica Simpson′s breasts over the past year along with her video for “These Boots Are Made for Walking” after the jump. You know, the one where she washes the General Lee in a bikini in the greatest act of patriotism since the time I threw an American flag at a French Fry this morning.
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Thursday, July 3rd, 2008
Ashley Kaufmann, or may or may not be the fruit of Michael Lohan’s loins, is already angling for a record contract, according to MSNBC:
A record-industry insider says, “Ashley has more talent than Lindsay or Ali.”
A Lohan family source adds, “Ashley’s singing ability just proves that the family talent comes from Michael (Lohan), not Dina Lohan.”
It should be noted the “Lohan family source″ was Michael Lohan wearing a pair of those glasses with the fake nose and moustache. He almost got away with it until he went a tad overboard: “Michael should also get his own reality show. You know something wholesome yet empowering. I′m thinking ‘Michael Lohan’s A Father’s Journey: One Man’s Eternal Struggle with That Bitch-whore Ex-Wife of His Who Can’t Shut Her Freakin’ Booze-Hole Unless there’s a Cock in It. Even then.’” Coming this Fall to ABC Family.
Thanks to James who has more talent in his breakfast cereal than these jokers.
(more…)
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